Ten Erotic Books Sexier Than Fifty Shades of Grey

I have yet to read Fifty Shades of Grey, but it is on my list and I always enjoy a bit of raunchy reading now and then. For those of you who have read it, enjoyed it, and want more, please thank Time Out New York for posting this list of ten books that are even sexier than Fifty Shades of Grey. You can find the full article here.

Ten Erotic Books Sexier Than Fifty Shades of Grey

These erotic books are hotter and much better written than the E.L. James S&M trilogy—save Fifty Shades of Grey for your mother.

By Michele Filgate Tue Sep 4 2012

Erotic books by E.L. James: You, your friends, your mother and most strangers on the sidewalk or the subway know not only the name and reputation of the S&M trilogy which begins with Fifty Shades of Grey, but likely more than a few intimate details about the story. As happy as we are that people are reading, the truth is that this so-called mommy-porn tale is nothing more than a slightly naughty, poorly written melodrama. The following ten erotic books are alternatives we at TONY find riskier, sexier and simply better written than E.L. James’s feminist-baiting juvenilia.

Kafka Was the Rage by Anatole Broyard

In this slim volume, New York Times book critic Broyard details what it was to be an artist in Greenwich Village in the 1940s. Between opening a bookstore and attending the New School, Broyard discovers what sex can be with an artist named Sheri Martinelli, a protégée of Anaïs Nin: “She made love the way she talked—by breaking down the grammar and the rhythms of sex. Young men tend to make love monotonously, but Sheri took my monotony and developed variations on it, as if she were composing a fugue.” There’s also lots of rewarding talk about underpants.

  Buy Kafka Was the Rage on Amazon      Get Kafka Was the Rage on your Kindle

Vox by Nicholson Baker

This master of minutiae—he once wrote an entire novel set on an escalator—is also well known for his erotic tales. This is the book Monica Lewinsky famously gifted to Bill Clinton—and it’s no wonder she did. The entire book is a steamy conversation between two strangers, who talk about all of their sexual fantasies. In one memorable passage, Baker goes so far as to evoke the carnal noise pasta makes when you stir it with olive oil.

  Get Vox on your Kindle

Trouble by Kate Christensen

For an erotic novel that’s both entertaining and impressively crafted, pick up this book by award-winning novelist Kate Christensen, who paints vivid pictures of contemporary society. The two romantically unsuccessful friends in Trouble take a vacation to Mexico City—where they aim to escape their midlife crises and rediscover their youth. As with all of her titles, Christensen proves herself a poet of the senses by making her descriptions of food just as tantalizing as the sexy encounters.

  Buy Trouble on Amazon      Get Trouble on your Kindle

The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort, M.B., Ph.D.

Okay, so you don’t read this book as much as sneak a look at the scandalous pictures—especially when you’re 12 years old and staying at a friend’s house, and notice said friend’s parents’ copy on their bookshelf. If a picture is worth a thousand words, we’d say just one of this book’s evocative illustrations—e.g., the oral encounter Comfort identifies as “mouth music”—is definitely worth more than several thousand words from the James’s pen.

  Buy The Joy of Sex on Amazon

The Passion by Jeanette Winterson

What’s sexier than a red-haired cross-dresser who can walk on water? In Jeanette Winterson’s The Passion, Villanelle loses her heart to a noblewoman with whom she is in love. Part historical fiction (set during the Napoleonic Wars) and part magical realism, this fairy-tale-infused novel is rich with beautiful sentences. Winterson locates passion somewhere in the nexus of fear and sex—what’s more of a turn-on than that?

  Buy The Passion on Amazon      Get The Passion on your Kindle

How Should a Person Be by Sheila Heti

When a friend of mine made a cross-stitch inspired by this book (with the words “I’ll be giving blow jobs in Heaven”), I knew I had to read it. In this “Novel from Life,” Heti records conversations with artistic friends, in an attempt to get at the essence of who she really is. But there are plenty of wonderfully racy scenes in which she describes sex with a total creep (who happens to be good in bed): “I don’t know why all of you are reading books when you could be getting reamed by Israel, spat on, beaten up against the headboard—with every jab, your head battered into the headboard. Why are you all reading? I don’t understand this reading business when there is so much fucking to be done.”

  Buy How Should a Person Be on Amazon      Get How Should a Person Be on your Kindle

The Poetry of Pablo Neruda edited by Ilan Stavans

Poetry is romantic, yes, but many verses composed by this Chilean master and Nobel Prize winner are also undeniably sexy. Feel the yearning in just one representative poem, “Love,” as translated by Ilan Stavans: “Woman, I would have been your child, to drink / The milk of your breasts as from a well.” Put that alongside the line about Christian Grey’s “oh-so-happy trail” and tell us which makes you weaker in the knees.

  Buy The Poetry of Pablo Neruda on Amazon

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

An ex–combat nurse named Claire reunites with her husband (a soldier) at the end of World War II, in the first sci-fi adventure-romance novel of the Outlander series. Soon after, she is transported back in time and falls in love with Jamie, a handsome Scottish warrior. There’s lots of sex on rudimentary mattresses—plus men wearing kilts! And good news: It was recently announced that Ronald D. Moore (of Battlestar Galactica) is adapting the series for television.

  Buy Outlander on Amazon      Get Outlander on your Kindle

Legs Get Led Astray by Chloe Caldwell

Essayist Chloe Caldwell’s collection of biting and honest essays can stand up to Fifty Shades for one essay alone, in which Caldwell talks about masturbating. Everyone does it, but Caldwell writes about it with an unparalleled humor and intelligence: “A great way to have an explosive orgasm is to turn the sound down on the porn video, and put on a song that gets you off. Blast it while you watch your porn of choice. BAM!”

  Buy Legs Get Led Astray on Amazon      Get Legs Get Led Astray on your Kindle

Inferno (a poet’s novel) by Eileen Myles

For fans of Patti Smith and raw, poetic writing, this iconic New York writer fills her Dante-influenced “poet’s novel” with her distinctive personality. It so happens that her personality is an incredibly sexual one: “There’s a moment in a woman’s life when she discovers she can have sex with as many people as she wants. Suddenly everyone is a potential partner. That’s when men get in the act which is why lesbianism isn’t really a thing it’s just this unbridled lust. It’s like god. If writers are the only people, I mean the last ones who have lives, lesbians are the only people who have sex.”

  Get Inferno (a poet’s novel) on your Kindle

Final Top Ten List

Back in early December, my boyfriend and his friends challenged each other to a top ten competition. For sheer amusement and to counteract their poor taste in women, I decided to join in. Please click here to review the rules.

After much deliberating, these are my choices:

1. Monica Bellucci

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Kelly Brook

4. Minka Kelly 

5. Dianna Agron 

6. Nina Dobrev

7. Marion Cotillard 

8. Bernice Marlohe

9. Sophia Vegara 

10. Jessica Alba 

Much deliberation took place before finalizing this list. Women were cut, brought back on, cut again… And I still feel as though I am missing some very important beautiful women. It is simply not enough to only pick ten. Please feel free to let me know if you concur or have any disagreements as to my selection.

Images courtesy of Google. 

Razzle Dazzle ‘Em

New York City – Destination for New Year’s celebrations. Times Square is of course the first thought that comes to mind. However, standing in the freezing cold, packed like sardines with a bunch of tourists for hours on end waiting for a ball to drop does not entice me. Also, I have done it already. Well not exactly. Last year my boyfriend and I headed to Times Square around 11:30PM and he talked our way through the crowd and barricades by pulling the whole “in the army and deploying to Afghanistan” thing with all the police officers. We ended up right next to the stage little Justin Bieber sang on. Missed his performance though… thankfully? I don’t think I can hate him. Sorry.

Anyways, New York is the champion of exotic. Check out one of the many masquerade parties throughout the city, or the huge circus parties with lots of beautiful people and wild things covered in glitter. For the more adventurous, there are numerous kinky sex parties involving little to no clothes and rules are optional. Whatever the ultimate plan, these are a few essentials to get the night started.

New Year’s Eve Essentials:

  • Sequin/Metallic dress – a must for any sexy lady on New Year’s. Simple LBD does not cut it. Any sequin or metallic finish is some super sexy flattering style is perfect. Aim high with glitz and glam.
Classy option – Aidan Mattox Bloused Cold Shoulder Sequin Dress found at Nordstrom

Frisky Option - Haute Hippie Sequin Halter Dress found at Nordstrom

Metallic - Herve Leger Metallic Bandage Dress found at Neiman Marcus, the back is simply stunning

  • A luscious pair of heels to go with your crazy, shiny dress. Many of you may turn to the black as it is simple and complements such a wild dress. Do not be afraid to add more sparkle with the shoe or even a burst of fun color or detail.

Cinderella's sold by everlastinglifashion on etsy.com - these would look awesome with a colored sequin/metallic dress, maybe a red or purple!

If you're leaning more towards simple, snazz it up with some feathery or lacy detail. These peacock heels are done by Louisa Cash on etsy.com, check out TheHeadbandShoppe

If those are still too bold, go with a classy black bootie. Suede is great for winter. These are the Adena Bootie by MICHAEL Michael Kors and can be found at Piperlime.com.

  • Now you have a few options. Depending on your plans for the evening and how elaborate your outfit already is, there are three options: Pretty jewelry, a masquerade mask, or a headdress/hair ornament. There are a bunch of masquerades throughout New York City for New Year’s as well as many other parties you may with to remain anonymous at.

Simple and sophisticated - thecraftychemist07 from etsy.com

Renaissance - BridalBijou etsy.com

I adore anything with a veil - HeadFullofFeathers on etsy.com

Peacock delight - BaroqueAndRoll on etsy.com

Simple and cute - byfato on etsy.com

In regards to jewelry, sequin and metallic dresses are done best with big, dangle earrings. Unless you’re wearing a sleeveless dress, I would skip the necklace and go straight for a statement making pair of gorgeous earrings.

Gorgeous! - delezhen on etsy.com

Edgy - Michael Spirito

Edgy - Michael Spirito

  • Jumbo bottle of Grey Goose for home made martinis and fruity concoctions both for pregame and recovery tonics. Vodka is the nectar of the gods. Drink and enjoy responsibly.
Grey Goose Magnum – Can be found at the Whiskey Exchange, Masters of Malt and many local alcohol stores
  • New Year’s Party Favors- Really? I honestly don’t think these are essential unless you’re having a house party in which it is kind of nice to have the tacky streamers and noise makers, but if you plan on going out, leave these home. It is extra nonsense to carry and for you ladies out there, best to bring as little as possible. Not many pockets in the tight, sexy dresses we plan on wearing.
  • For a kinky end to the evening, edible panties are in order. I am not entirely serious about this one, more for fun. If you’re thinking of something special for a loved one, try something new together. The parties and alcohol loosen up the morals and allow for a greater intimacy with less inhibitions. Just remember to share a kiss as the clock strikes midnight.

Candy G-String from Babeland

New Year’s is about fun, adventure and welcoming the new year in style. Express yourself, be wild, be unafraid, and above all, LIVE.

Top Ten

So let’s be judgmental and critical for a moment because it is fun.

My boyfriend and a bunch of his military friends are creating personal Top Ten Women lists with the following rules:

1. Must be an actress (any credit on IMDB will suffice)

2. Must be as they currently are in 2011

3. Purely physical critique

4. Intent of the list is women you would want to have sex with – rate them on raw sexual dynamism

I am currently still working on mine, but I would LOVE everyone’s input. Please throw some names down in the comments section. Thanks!